On the Beauty & Exhaustion of Backing Yourself, the Pain of a Shared Joy Deficit, the Need for Believing Mirrors, the Power of the Reframe, and Celebrating Anyway
This is so heartbreakingly true. Creative work is already lonely and when you don’t have external validation and support and celebration around you it can be crushingly lonely. Thank you for not giving up. Your work matters.
And as an aside, I’m not very active on social media anymore (pretty disillusioned by it all) but I will happily go share your posts. Big congratulations on your journal launch. It looks beautiful, Kristin!
Oh Kristin, so thankful for your vulnerability here. Thank you for going first and naming this isolation out loud. I know what it’s like to launch something without the support of “pivotal people” in your life, and regardless of how things appear on the outside, that lack can run … deep. Sending you so much love ❤️ I am continually inspired by your self believe and dedication to seeing the projects and ideas God has set on your heart all the way through!
It’s so hard to express complex and nuanced feelings…but I think you did it! Your story and journey are complicated, but so very relatable. The whole, “being surrounded by people yet still feeling alone,” is one likely everyone has felt at some time or another. And then there is the complex situation of creating things for public consumption, while dealing with the very challenging aspects of military/post military life, motherhood, and general “we have to raise ourselves while raising our kids.” Love you friend. Thank you for your beautiful words!
I’m so glad you wrote this. The creative life is a lonely one. Most people are unaware of how much effort, courage, and self-discipline it takes to write a book or create a beautiful journal. I admire your perseverance and care that you put into everything you do!
These words, Kristin. I’ve read them once and I’m going to reread them now. But first I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. Always here for you, friend 🧡
Grateful for your voice always, but today especially. You remind me that I have permission to feel grief even when there’s “cause for celebration.” Thank you for helping me feel seen, for reading my work, and for being an incredible friend and supportive, compassionate writer with an open heart. 💖
I love love love this! Thanks for writing it! You sound exactly like me, which I intend as a compliment and to gently enquire whether you’ve ever considered yourself autistic? :)
Hi Kristin, I think I was seeing you as you explained yourself at your third birthday and recognising that as a typical way autistic girls are but we fight so hard against it. It’s hard work then looking back at ourselves and recognising this as a norm throughout our lives as our social communication and self-expression are different from the “smile, be grateful, let’s celebrate with noise and people” being the cultural norm and goal. Our social relationships are intimate but often also short lived. Eye contact is a vital intimate part of social communication with autistics and can be overwhelming. But being comfortable in learning to force eye contact doesn’t mean perfect outgrow autism or weren’t autistic to begin with.
I hope I didn’t offend you. As I said, being autistic is a major factor in my life and an autistic woman suggesting to another woman “have you ever thought you’re autistic?” is never an insult. It’s a sharing of our experiences in a way that aligns with our own lives and sense of belonging in the world.
I know neurotypicals accusing others of being/acting autistic is a slur. That was never my intention.
Social interactions and social communication are a small part of what it is to be female and autistic. Mainly it’s a distinct way of being in the world, experiencing the world and can be categorised by other pathological behaviours that lead to wrong diagnoses, plus decades of chronic anxiety and ensuing trauma.
I looked over your insightful About page and thought that’s every way I would have described myself pre-autism identification, with the diagnosis being the icing on the cake. So I scanned your posts and saw that you haven’t mentioned your autistic.
Sorry if I’ve unintentionally upset you or struck a nerve 💕
I wish I hadn’t deleted my initial comment! I appreciate your heart for awareness and conversation! I’m always open for both. I can see where you’re coming from and want to be clear that I don’t consider autism to be a slur at all. However this is one of those moments as a public writer of trying to discern access, boundaries, and comfort with others who may be well-meaning like yourself but whom also are strangers nonetheless speaking into my life whom are receiving little slivers of insights into my life. You’re correct, I do not have an autism diagnosis. And I’m not opposed to being curious about it, but I am fearful that because I have refrained from sharing significant contributing details to my experiences and only given insights into certain moments that I’m being misunderstood here. For me, I have formed deep and lasting friendships, enjoy social situations, actually enjoy eye contact, and haven’t forced myself into anything. And my heart is to share the truth of my experience without sounding defensive and while remaining sensitive to those who do. So I hope that comes across and I’m sorry if it doesn’t.
I'm amazed how you were able to put this into words. It shows the discipline of your processing, something I am running scared from right now with so much current stress in life. All I can say is I wish I was there to buy you flowers, bring you coffee and walk with you to dip our toes in the ocean to celebrate this marvelous victory of perseverance and courage. We never know what someone is going through and how it feels, and your writing is testimony once again to this - write it out - I am here with you even across the miles, and over the border.
I appreciate your sharing and your encouragement! Coffee and toes in the ocean with you sounds just delightful. Cheering for you as you write to find words and process.
I was speaking about you to another writing friend recently. It has been a remarkable joy to watch you settle into your capacity; to pursue big dreams and accomplish them. To have born witness to your persistence and your blossoming creativity is one of the honours of my life.
This is so heartbreakingly true. Creative work is already lonely and when you don’t have external validation and support and celebration around you it can be crushingly lonely. Thank you for not giving up. Your work matters.
And as an aside, I’m not very active on social media anymore (pretty disillusioned by it all) but I will happily go share your posts. Big congratulations on your journal launch. It looks beautiful, Kristin!
Oh Kristin, so thankful for your vulnerability here. Thank you for going first and naming this isolation out loud. I know what it’s like to launch something without the support of “pivotal people” in your life, and regardless of how things appear on the outside, that lack can run … deep. Sending you so much love ❤️ I am continually inspired by your self believe and dedication to seeing the projects and ideas God has set on your heart all the way through!
It’s so hard to express complex and nuanced feelings…but I think you did it! Your story and journey are complicated, but so very relatable. The whole, “being surrounded by people yet still feeling alone,” is one likely everyone has felt at some time or another. And then there is the complex situation of creating things for public consumption, while dealing with the very challenging aspects of military/post military life, motherhood, and general “we have to raise ourselves while raising our kids.” Love you friend. Thank you for your beautiful words!
I’m so glad you wrote this. The creative life is a lonely one. Most people are unaware of how much effort, courage, and self-discipline it takes to write a book or create a beautiful journal. I admire your perseverance and care that you put into everything you do!
So well said! And thank you for your support and journeying with me. 💛
These words, Kristin. I’ve read them once and I’m going to reread them now. But first I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. Always here for you, friend 🧡
So grateful for you! I’m really hoping for a lunch date in IL again one of these days!
Oh my goodness…me too, friend.
Grateful for your voice always, but today especially. You remind me that I have permission to feel grief even when there’s “cause for celebration.” Thank you for helping me feel seen, for reading my work, and for being an incredible friend and supportive, compassionate writer with an open heart. 💖
Thank you for being a believing mirror in my life and all you’ve done to help propel my creative work. 🫶🏻
I love love love this! Thanks for writing it! You sound exactly like me, which I intend as a compliment and to gently enquire whether you’ve ever considered yourself autistic? :)
Hi Kristin, I think I was seeing you as you explained yourself at your third birthday and recognising that as a typical way autistic girls are but we fight so hard against it. It’s hard work then looking back at ourselves and recognising this as a norm throughout our lives as our social communication and self-expression are different from the “smile, be grateful, let’s celebrate with noise and people” being the cultural norm and goal. Our social relationships are intimate but often also short lived. Eye contact is a vital intimate part of social communication with autistics and can be overwhelming. But being comfortable in learning to force eye contact doesn’t mean perfect outgrow autism or weren’t autistic to begin with.
I hope I didn’t offend you. As I said, being autistic is a major factor in my life and an autistic woman suggesting to another woman “have you ever thought you’re autistic?” is never an insult. It’s a sharing of our experiences in a way that aligns with our own lives and sense of belonging in the world.
I know neurotypicals accusing others of being/acting autistic is a slur. That was never my intention.
Social interactions and social communication are a small part of what it is to be female and autistic. Mainly it’s a distinct way of being in the world, experiencing the world and can be categorised by other pathological behaviours that lead to wrong diagnoses, plus decades of chronic anxiety and ensuing trauma.
I looked over your insightful About page and thought that’s every way I would have described myself pre-autism identification, with the diagnosis being the icing on the cake. So I scanned your posts and saw that you haven’t mentioned your autistic.
Sorry if I’ve unintentionally upset you or struck a nerve 💕
I wish I hadn’t deleted my initial comment! I appreciate your heart for awareness and conversation! I’m always open for both. I can see where you’re coming from and want to be clear that I don’t consider autism to be a slur at all. However this is one of those moments as a public writer of trying to discern access, boundaries, and comfort with others who may be well-meaning like yourself but whom also are strangers nonetheless speaking into my life whom are receiving little slivers of insights into my life. You’re correct, I do not have an autism diagnosis. And I’m not opposed to being curious about it, but I am fearful that because I have refrained from sharing significant contributing details to my experiences and only given insights into certain moments that I’m being misunderstood here. For me, I have formed deep and lasting friendships, enjoy social situations, actually enjoy eye contact, and haven’t forced myself into anything. And my heart is to share the truth of my experience without sounding defensive and while remaining sensitive to those who do. So I hope that comes across and I’m sorry if it doesn’t.
Also… why doesn’t Substack have an edit feature 😅
Totally understand and I appreciate the degree of thought you’ve given it 😊 ♾️
Edited to add: Though I focused on it in my comment, I do understand autism is not just about the socialization piece and a way of being in the world.
I'm amazed how you were able to put this into words. It shows the discipline of your processing, something I am running scared from right now with so much current stress in life. All I can say is I wish I was there to buy you flowers, bring you coffee and walk with you to dip our toes in the ocean to celebrate this marvelous victory of perseverance and courage. We never know what someone is going through and how it feels, and your writing is testimony once again to this - write it out - I am here with you even across the miles, and over the border.
I appreciate your sharing and your encouragement! Coffee and toes in the ocean with you sounds just delightful. Cheering for you as you write to find words and process.
You are a wonder.
I was speaking about you to another writing friend recently. It has been a remarkable joy to watch you settle into your capacity; to pursue big dreams and accomplish them. To have born witness to your persistence and your blossoming creativity is one of the honours of my life.
You’re too kind. Thank you, friend. 💛